Earlier, the toilet on my floor at campus was being repaired, which meant we had to go all the way down to the first floor. Like, it takes 5 minutes to get there just to use the toilet for one minute. At first, I was feeling way too lazy, like, hell nah, why do I have to cross the whole building just to use a toilet??? But yeah... since I really, really had to go, I just did it.
When I took that first step downstairs, I tried to just turn off my feelings. Like, just go with the flow and let my feet walk on their own. And then, yeah, I arrived on the first floor?? Then I used it?? And then I went back to my floor, and it was all done?? Like, it’s so easy when you just go numb.
That got me thinking, like if this numbness makes my current struggle sooooo easy, why don't I apply it to everything? Like, God, okay, let's just do this and that, without any feeling. Like when I have a problem, or anything that WILL ruin my bright-to-be or at least what-I-hope-to-be-bright day, I could just face it with zero feeling and trust that it will pass and the burden will be gone. Right? Hmmm.
Yeah, that’s just what I thought because of this whole toilet repair situation, like, why does it have to be nowww? Okay, okay, let’s just never mind that, ahahaha. But in reality, I'm sure this mindset only applies to certain circumstances. Because if I do everything with no feeling and just embrace the numbness, there will be consequences... perhaps. Perhaps.
Because imagine if we actually used this "toilet-walking numbness" as a daily survival kit. You’re sitting in life, and then a sky drop you a problem that you have to perform something in front of many people, but you can't even do a thing, so suddenly, and instead of panicking, you just sit there like a blank wall. "Yes, okay. Yes, go on. I will do this until the time is up."
At some point, if you are too numb, you wouldn't even notice when someone cuts in front of your line. You'd just be like, "Ah, a human is now standing in front of me. That is fine." You'd basically turn into a zen master, but the kind that gets stepped on by everyone. Or worse, people would think you're slightly a sociopath.... because you just stare blankly when everything goes wrong.
So yeah, activating that numbness mode is a 10/10 elite strategy for climbing campus stairs or doing chores, but maybe a 2/10 for actually surviving social life without looking like a robot whose battery is at 1%.
